A side effect of training with TNT that I didn't expect

Pain. No, not the "I did my long run yesterday and now I can't walk upright" pain, but the loss of a father pain. This week marked the 13 year anniversary since he passed away. I recently asked my mom to send me a copy of her favorite picture of my dad. It arrived yesterday and I immediately started sobbing when I looked at it. I love what TNT does for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, I just didn't realize that so much would come back up to the surface by becoming a part of one of their groups. Everything seems fresh, and the noise I mentioned the other day has faded in to the background, and the pain is so sharp. It really hurts, dammit. It seriously sucks. I'll keep pushing on, though, even when it's a struggle. Quitting won't bring him back and it won't make this hurt less. I'm just having a meltdown today, and I miss my Daddy.

It's been thirteen years since we lost you

It's hard to believe this, but it's true. Today is the thirteenth anniversary of my father's passing. The pain is still there, but the crazy chaos that is daily life somehow dulls it. Not that it's less, but that there's so much "noise" that you can't hear or feel everything at once. I'm reminded more of his loss because I am running in the Rock N Roll Half Marathon here in Dallas with Team In Training in March. So many people have been touched by leukemia and lymphoma. I wish I wasn't one of them, but I am. If my fundraising helps spare even one family the heartbreak of what my family went through, then it's worth my every effort. If you are at all able, please consider making a donation to help me with my fundraising efforts. http://pages.teamintraining.org/ntx/momsnt14/KyraStuart

1935 - 2001

Today, it's not about the bling... #PrayForBoston

What happened yesterday in Boston was so horrific. All afternoon, Twitter and FB were buzzing, as so many of us tried to find out if our friends who were running Boston were ok. Thankfully, none of the runners/family members that I know were physically injured, but it was so close for some of them, it's scary. It sickens and saddens me that someone could do something so awful, but as someone who worked in New York City for many, many years, I know there are evil people out there. 

Today, it's not about the bling. Today, it's not about pace. Today, it's not about PRs. Today, it's about unity. Today, it's about solidarity. Today, it's about community.  My prayers go out to all who were affected by the tragic attack in Boston.

Spark

Wow, I really dropped off the face of the earth. Well, not exactly, but I sure haven't been blogging much these last few months. Life happens. I can't say that I'm happy to see 2012 in my rearview mirror. I had some good times, for sure (hi Jen and Heather!!!), but I also had some really sucky times. Australia: it's a nice place to visit. The flight is hell. Add the reason we went, and it's doubly so.

So, here I am in 2013. The Aussie and I survived the end of the Mayan calendar, Texas White Christmas snowmageddon / icemageddon, had a great visit from my sister, and had a quiet New Year's Eve with The Aussie and our gang. That's over now, and it's time to regroup, get my head out of my *ss back in the game, and start treating myself better.

Mentally, I have been struggling to get my act together. I'm not the only one. My dear friend Shannon has put out the call and is rallying the troops! We all need to find our spark. I've been reading "It Starts With Food" and "Practical Paleo." I'm not sure I'm looking to go so extreme as to give up my milk in my coffee, but I do need to feed myself more  nutritious food and cut back on the processed "food" that I gravitate towards. I seldom have fast food or soda, so they aren't big concerns of mine. I do, however, like my chocolate and wine. And Chinese food. And cheese... Darn you, TJ's for those lovely little mini brie bites. 

Unfortunately, I've found that the older I get, the harder it is to get weight off.  It isn't just how I deal with food that needs a spark. I finally set up my Active Link and am getting a better picture of how much I am and am not moving. I haven't been doing too badly, but I need to do more. I signed up to run Bold In The Cold 5k in a couple of weeks. My cousin and I have done this the last two years, so it will be good to keep the tradition going. It won't be pretty. He hasn't run all year, I haven't since the summer, and we both have put on some weight. I don't care. I'm doing it anyway, won't even wear my Garmin, and all I have to do is finish.

Healthwise, I finally got myself to a doctor to discuss my owngoing health issues. I'm not looking forward to it, but I have an endoscopy scheduled. Hopefully some light will be shed as to why I continue to have a problem keeping certain foods down.

I also signed up to do Roni's diet bet challenge. I had never heard of this site, but thought "why not?" 4% in a month is a reasonable goal. I can't believe how much activity this challenge is generating!

All in all, January should be an interesting month. I wish all of you the best blessings for your health, well being and prosperity in this new year.

Peace.

Setbacks

Life has a way of throwing a wrench in the works, doesn't it. The scale is not my friend this week, but that really doesn't matter. I just returned from a two week overseas trip. While that may sound like a good thing, it wasn't. What was a good thing, is that we were able to spend time with my mother in law before she passed away. I indulged in plenty of stress eating, emotional eating, visiting with relatives eating.... and drinking. Let's not forget the drinking. I know I need to make healthy food and beverage choices. I know I need to move more. I know I need to make sure that my husband does the same. It all comes down to quality of life. I want the quality, for me and my husband, to be good. You see, I promised my mother in law that I would take care of my husband. I won't go back on that promise.

Chaos Incorporated, can you help me?

That's an old joke between me and my sister when I give her a call and she's completely stressed out - she'll answer the phone with that line. Lately, I think it's the way I would answer the phone when she calls me.

The foot is definitely mending. The stitches are out and I can wear a lightweight sneaker, loosely tied. I've been able to work out a couple of times, slowly walk on the treadmill, some strength training with my trainer, taking the dogs for short walks. My foot still doesn't like much pressure on the scar area, but it's coming along. I look forward to being able to really work out.

The other thing that's been happening around here that's been stressing me out involves bunnies. Little baby bunnies. What started as four bunnies my husband rescued from a burrow that was flooded, eyes not even open, is now just two baby bunnies. The past few days in the Foodie household have been very sad for me.  I keep reminding myself that they at least had a chance, whereas they wouldn't have if we hadn't rescued them. Irony of all ironies, we found out they were out there because Puppygirl brought one inside last Saturday night, and by pure chance, didn't kill it. It had a particular leaf with it, so we knew where it came from. Note to bunnies: our yard is REALLY not the best place to dig a burrow.

The two little ones are starting to eat solid food: apple, carrot, celery, grass. They're still getting kitten formula, but it's more watered down. Needless to say, it's been hectic. And keep in mind, we have 3 dogs who all have very strong prey-drives. We've fenced off the kitchen area where the bunnies are, but they sit there, whining and staring at me, when I am feeding the bunnies.  Yup, it's just a bit crazy around here these days.

Quality vs Quantity

Many of you who chat with me on Twitter and FB know that The Aussie recently went to Australia because his mother is very ill. He's back now, which I am immensely grateful for. This continues to be a very difficult and sobering time for us. We are experiencing first-hand that a person's quality of life is as important as quantity of life. We don't quite know how to deal with the tipping point where quantity means little without quality. Being poked, prodded, hooked up to machines, in pain, and in the hospital is not quality, and we accept that. But we don't want to miss the quantity either. We don't want to say goodbye...

Life is too short

When I signed on to FB this morning, one of the first things I read totally shocked me. An old friend that I knew back in the Northeast died yesterday. He fell from a ladder while working on his house. He was a wonderful guy, married to the sister of a very good friend of mine, and was the father of 13 year old twins. At only 51, he has been taken too soon. He will be sorely missed.

H. Brian Mc Farland

Rest in peace, my friend.