Baby Steps

I've eaten a lot of race fees this past year. I didn't want to, but sometimes your body says no. Emphatically. Not even taking account how hot it gets in Texas during the summer, there are days where even taking dogs for walks is too much. My hamstring issue is better. Not gone, but better. The lack of energy is still there, and going strong. One side effect of peri-menopause that I never expected was zero energy because you can become anemic. When I remember to, I take iron supplements, but I'm terrible at remembering to take any sorts of pills. So, anything I do has to be in baby steps.


Which leads me to my new "training plan." I was so totally psyched when my Fitbloggin Bella teammate finished her half-Ironman the other week. Way to go Stephanie!! I was swimming back and forth the other evening in the pool when I got an idea. I'll do my own half-Ironman. It will take weeks to complete, but with baby steps, I believe I can do this.  My pool is small, just 23 feet long, including the half round step areas. I calculated (based on how I swim in the pool) that I will have to swim 158.4 laps to equal 1.2 miles for the swim portion of my half-Ironman. (I'll round up). I swam 40 laps (down and back equals 1 lap) on Monday evening. I'm looking forward to finishing the swim portion!  For the bike and run/walk portions, I'll do laps around my neighborhood. The three block loop section that I live on in my development is roughly 1 mile (1.1 on the outside sidewalk). This will be easy to track. I see people out running in the afternoon. To me, that's nuts. It's 100 degrees out. Not my idea of fun, so I'll be getting my ass out of bed earlier and take the dogs for walks while I log my miles.


Not glamorous, no cheering crowds, but baby steps on my way back to moving. 

Come Play In May - Write A Letter To Your Past Self

May 20, 1995

Dear Kyra,

I'm writing this letter to you on this very special day. I know you're rushing around, trying to get ready, so I'll be quick.

Have fun today. You look beautiful and happy. Don't be nervous. You two have many, many years together ahead of you. It won't always be easy, and yes, you'll do some stupid things, but you'll get through everything together. Always remember to kiss each other goodbye in the morning. Hug often, and say "I love you" frequently. You know it, but it's always nice to hear it said. Laugh together often. You are about to embark on a grand adventure with your best friend.

Love,

Kyra

P.S. He was right, chocolate cake was an excellent choice for the wedding cake. 

 

Come Play In May - How I Effed Up (A day late)

I really didn't know what to write for yesterday's prompt. I've effed up a lot of things in my life, apologized where I could, but these aren't things I want to write about. Hell, I don't even like thinking about them. I realize that some day I'll have to make an accounting for them, I just hope karma's bite in my ass won't be too painful. While I was out walking the dogs during lunch, I tried thinking about today's prompt. Nothin. Then I thought of one that I could write about for How I Effed Up.

Jeep Cherokees from the 1970s and 1980s were very sturdily built, with metal bumpers. Remember when cars actually had front and rear bumpers?  Cars these days don't have metal bumpers, they have vanity panels stuffed with air and Styrofoam. But those older cars, they could do some damage with their bumpers. Like catch the track of the garage door and pull it away from the siding. They were really good at ripping off trim, too. Heads up if you're a DIY kind of person: toothpaste is not effective at covering up nail holes.

Come Play In May - Breathe, or How To Find My Zen

I have to tell you, I'm not in a Zen place this afternoon. I joked with the Axis group that I'd have to breathe after I unclenched my teeth. So, I'm going to take my mind to a more quiet place, far away from the evil corporations that make you buy your pets' prescriptions ONLY FROM THEM.

Deep in the heart of Texas, you can hear birds sing, frogs croak, and deer come up to visit you while you mow the lawn.

However, because BLOGGER doesn't want to process the video correctly in one format, I am having to upload it in WMP. Breathe, breathe, breathe...Oh, hey, it STILL won't process. You get a screen shot of the opening frame. Oh, and now it works.

Well, I can watch it to help me find my zen, but you if you aren't able to, here's a picture of the deer.

Come Play In May - Let Me Be Vague About Something

Have you ever been a member of a group or organization that needed to grow, so some other people were invited to join the group AND THEY TOOK OVER? After the coup, did you feel like quitting because their passive/aggressive BS pissed you off so much, but you thought NO, I WAS HERE FIRST, I WILL NOT LET THEM WIN?

Why I Write

Day 1. Axis of Ineptitude Challenge.  Hmm. Why I write. I started this blog back in 2009 to earn points in a contest put together by the Fab Fatties. I had no clue about blogging, other than reading other peoples blogs. To tell the truth, I still don't have much of a clue, which is why I have unread books on how to set up your blog. No fancy tabs, no fancy buttons. Blogger changed settings on me a year ago, and I still can't figure out how to fix it. Conferences seem to focus only on WordPress. I have a WordPress site that I've posted on maybe twice. WP scares me. I really don't have a clue how to use it. But hey, I have a book or two. Unopened. I also have a secret blog, a ranch related blog, and a fun blog some friends and I have together. 

Why. Why do I write. Sometimes it's because I need to rant. Case in point, when I was still a member of the Watchers of Weight group, I got really pissed off at how they push desserts. Come off it people. You didn't get fat from celery sticks and low fat cheese. Using low fat versions of ingredients doesn't counteract the fact that the recipes were full of sugar. And who eats a one inch square of a dessert? Not me. I'll snarf down half a pan in one sitting. Which is precisely WHY I don't make sweets very often. If I'm hungry, and in "feed me bitch from hell" mode, you'd better not be between me and a pan of brownies.

Other times I need to talk about something that happened. Sometimes, it's something that inspired me. Lately, it's more likely to be something that knocked the wind out of my sails, like realizing the amount of weight I need to lose is the equivalent to the big-ass bag of pool salt I hauled out back the other day. For the most part, I keep it superficial. I admire bloggers who can really let it all hang out. I'm not one of them. Maybe it's because I'm an astrological screw up (Sun in Gemini, Moon and Rising Sign in Scorpio), but the thoughts and feelings than swirl around in the murky depths of my mind will stay right where they are, thank you very much.

Then there are the fun reasons I write. I like to cook, take pictures of my food, bore you with recipes. I don't consider myself the healthiest eater, but I'm trying to get better. Some days, I'd say I love to cook, but having to clean up the damned mess I make in the kitchen day in and day out really dampens my affection for cooking. If anyone wants to come clean up after me, I will be happy to say I love cooking again. I like to eat and drink lots of wine, too, which is why I also need to exercise.

Yeahhh, exercise...I like it, I hate it, I need to do it... meh. Maybe I'll start writing about exercise again...or start to. God knows I need to be accountable, considering I've registered for a marathon. That sentence both excites and scares me. Yay, lets go run lots and lots of miles and run a marathon before I turn 50. Which, if you didn't know, will be in the middle of next year. When the hell did I get this old?

Bottom line, I think I write to inspire myself. Face it, very few people even read my blog, so I doubt I'm inspiring them with my pearls of wisdom. Might as well be a smart ass and entertain myself! Oh, and since it's the first of the month: Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit. :)

Hey, if you want to play along, come join the fun.

Auld Lang Syne

'Tis the season to reflect on the year that is coming to its close. For the last couple of years, the reflecting hasn't been easy or comfortable. I never really got back on track with my working out and tracking my eating in 2013 after going off the rails in late 2012, after we lost my mother-in-law. I'm still somewhat active, with walking dogs and doing stuff at our ranch, but it isn't goal driven activity.  I feel like I was a different person that year, and truthfully, I kind of miss her.  So, to borrow the words of the great poet Robert Burns, she's an old acquaintance who shouldn't have been forgotten.

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old lang syne ?


A friend recently posted about the pendulum swing of the Gemini psyche. It made me think about how my own pendulum has swung too far away from "health" mode and I've gotten off balance. I'm not happy about it, either. Emotional eating doesn't make the stress go away, it just adds something else to make me unhappy and stressed out about.

It's time to dust off my running shoes, charge up my Garmin, and take back control of my whirlwind life. Extra motivation comes from the fact that I registered for a half marathon in April, so I don't want to waste the money by not training. I've also contributed to a yoga Kickstarter program that debuts this spring. I've meant, time and time again, to start practicing yoga, so this will also be motivation. Hopefully nagging from another friend will help, too. Another area I need to focus on is healthy eating, cutting back on the grains and junk foods that I know aren't healthy for me. I used to eat so much better, but I really have let things slide this year. And no more GF goodies, either. Just because it's gluten free doesn't mean I should be eating it.

And there’s a hand my trusty friend !
And give me a hand o’ thine !
And we’ll take a right good-will draught,
for auld lang syne.

May you have a blessed 2014.

Slump

You know you haven't blogged in a while when you have to double check your URL. I've been in a blogging slump, cooking slump, exercise slump. You name it, I'm in a slump about it.

Spark: the journey

I don't like getting my picture taken. Some people photograph well. I am not one of them. The fact that, at one point, I was about 75 pounds overweight, was a factor, that's for sure. The fact that I'm actually posting pictures is nothing short of crazy for me. You'd better believe I edited pictures. A few of my friends in my Spark group posted pictures today of their journeys. Not before and after pictures, really, because as Susan said recently (I'm paraphrasing, please forgive me), "after ends in the grave." There is no after, because this will always be something I have to work at. The last two weeks have been frustrating. Between having and endoscopy last week and having the flu this week, I have been on the sidelines. Figures. So, to inspire me, I'm going to look at how far I've come, not how far I have left to go. Although, I think I do look cute in my Grand Canyon pictures.


 The blue shirt pictures were taken in 2007, late summer, when my mother in law was visiting from Australia. I think I've given away the v neck t-shirt, but I still have the button up blouse. Two things amaze me: first is how much that fit like a sausage casing in 2007, and second, how big it seemed this summer. I did wear it once, to church, but I actually tucked the blouse in to my black skirt. I don't know if this was me at my heaviest. Probably not. I don't look happy, and I certainly don't look comfortable.

 

 These pictures were taken in October of 1999. The Aussie and I took a much needed vacation and drove around the Southwest for two weeks. I'm in my mid-30s here, so the weight has started to creep on, but not enough to get me to do much about it. Oh, I'd join a gym every year or so, work out for a bit, maybe take classes for a bit. I wish I could write a letter to who I was then, or time travel like the nasty Senator in Time Cop did. He told his younger self to lay off the candy bars or twinkies. Something like that. I look at me here and I see what I aspire to get back to. I can do it. *knock on wood*

And this. This is me these days. Naively signing up for a DietBet, taking my picture in front of the mirror with their "word of the day." Life has a way of throwing plans aside. I won't be winning that bet, so I can kiss my $20 good bye. Oh well. I'm a work in progress. I'm certainly healthier than I was in 2007. The progress may take a bit longer than I'd like, but it is what it is. Besides, they moved the finish line for "after." It's no longer when I get to my goal. The finish line is a lot more permanent than that. So I'll just keep in mind, while I plod along my path: Forward is a pace.

Chaos Incorporated, can you help me?

That's an old joke between me and my sister when I give her a call and she's completely stressed out - she'll answer the phone with that line. Lately, I think it's the way I would answer the phone when she calls me.

The foot is definitely mending. The stitches are out and I can wear a lightweight sneaker, loosely tied. I've been able to work out a couple of times, slowly walk on the treadmill, some strength training with my trainer, taking the dogs for short walks. My foot still doesn't like much pressure on the scar area, but it's coming along. I look forward to being able to really work out.

The other thing that's been happening around here that's been stressing me out involves bunnies. Little baby bunnies. What started as four bunnies my husband rescued from a burrow that was flooded, eyes not even open, is now just two baby bunnies. The past few days in the Foodie household have been very sad for me.  I keep reminding myself that they at least had a chance, whereas they wouldn't have if we hadn't rescued them. Irony of all ironies, we found out they were out there because Puppygirl brought one inside last Saturday night, and by pure chance, didn't kill it. It had a particular leaf with it, so we knew where it came from. Note to bunnies: our yard is REALLY not the best place to dig a burrow.

The two little ones are starting to eat solid food: apple, carrot, celery, grass. They're still getting kitten formula, but it's more watered down. Needless to say, it's been hectic. And keep in mind, we have 3 dogs who all have very strong prey-drives. We've fenced off the kitchen area where the bunnies are, but they sit there, whining and staring at me, when I am feeding the bunnies.  Yup, it's just a bit crazy around here these days.

A recent FB post

Feeling very out of sorts, I posted the following on FB on Saturday morning:

You probably don't know how painfully shy the person who showed up at your club's group run is. Or how far out of her comfort zone she was. Last year, when she showed up for a run, people were welcoming, so she thought she'd be okay. A couple of you said good morning as you walked past her, but after 10 minutes of standing there, nervously clutching her water bottle, feeling anxious and out of place, with no one talking to her, she left. But you probably didn't notice that.


The supportive comments this post received meant a lot to me. You see, not everyone knows how shy I am. It took a lot for me to even drive to this group run. When I got there, it took a lot for me to get out of the car. I seriously considered turning around in the parking lot and just driving home. But I didn't. I metaphorically put on my big girl panties and got out of the car. I slowly walked to the club house, and nervously said good morning to the people who were already there. A couple of people acknowledged me, but most didn't. The few women that were there just continued on in their conversation as if I was invisible. And that's what I felt like. Invisible. I toughed it out for several more minutes, feeling more and more like a loser the longer I stood there. Funny how the big girl panties can quickly disappear in situations like this. Finally, feeling a panic attack coming on, I walked away from the club house, back to the car. I managed to drive away (past the club house, mind you) and get down the road a bit before I started crying. 

When I got home, it was not even 7:30, so The Aussie was still in bed. I climbed in beside him, doggies hopping on the bed to snuggle with us. He asked what time it was and I said 7:30. Puzzled, his asked "aren't you going?" I told him I was back. He asked what happened. While he's a very outgoing person, he knows how difficult things like this are for me. He just held me as I cried while telling him what had happened. He told me that I at least made the effort and that was what was important.

It was important. I made the effort. But I won't be again. Oh, I'll show up for races that this group puts on a couple of times a year, but I won't be showing up for group events. Want to hear something funny? When I was half asleep not long ago I thought about why I sign up for races. This is going to sound pathetic, but part of it is the pictures of groups of friends all running together, wearing goofy costumes, having fun. It's like I'm still the nerdy little kid, always picked last for the team, looking at a group of friends from the other side of the chain link fence. I want to be a part of their popular group. But I'm not. A dear friend left this comment to my post ... When you are out there in a race it is just you and the pavement. You have everything you need inside you right now... She's right. I do have everything I need inside me. I'll be fine. Just me and the pavement.

TMI Tuesday, the Wednesday edition

Can I just tell y'all how sick to death I am of hot flashes? I put on and take off layers of clothes so often, I'm starting to feel like a stripper.

Quality vs Quantity

Many of you who chat with me on Twitter and FB know that The Aussie recently went to Australia because his mother is very ill. He's back now, which I am immensely grateful for. This continues to be a very difficult and sobering time for us. We are experiencing first-hand that a person's quality of life is as important as quantity of life. We don't quite know how to deal with the tipping point where quantity means little without quality. Being poked, prodded, hooked up to machines, in pain, and in the hospital is not quality, and we accept that. But we don't want to miss the quantity either. We don't want to say goodbye...

Shrinkvivor - And Now For Something Completely Different

You may recall (if you're old enough) the Monty Python skit where the John Cleese, as the announcer, turns to the camera and says "and now for something completely different." Well, I wish I had something completely different to report. I'm up .4 of a pound. This week was not a big exercise week due, in part, to the fact that we drove 1200+ miles from Texas to Tennessee and back for a wedding. Can't log a lot of exercise miles in a car. You don't always eat healthy meals during roadtrips either. Add to that, I'm still sick. I was feeling better on Saturday, but woke up with another sore throat and congested chest on Sunday morning. My abs are certainly getting a workout with all of the coughing I've been doing, but I'd like to be healthy again.

Congrats to all of the Shrinkvivors that are kicking butt in this challenge. You're amazing and inspiring.

Seventeen again

Last night, a dream almost 30 years in the making came true. I FINALLY saw Duran Duran in concert. My bedroom was covered in posters of Duran Duran when I was in high school. And yes, John Taylor was my favorite. The concert totally lived up to my expectations. I still don't have much of a voice because of the nasty cold, but I sang my heart out and screamed just like all the other 40-something women in the crowd. It was a blast.

What can I say? I'm a 17 year old trapped inside the body of a 46 year old.

Happy Birthday to Me :)

Well this is a nice birthday present to me. I haven't seen anything below 170 in quite a while. Now if only my husband hadn't thought my birthday was tomorrow... ;)

Friday Night Recap: Runs With Garden Tools, Plays In Dirt...

When I was younger, my Dad had a huge vegetable garden. I love most vegetables, but wasn't a big fan of gardening. Weeding and picking beans. Ooh. Fun. Funny how things turn out, actually.

Fast forward 30 or so years, and you'll find me playing in the dirt in my plots at our community garden. Aside from the fact that I am part of the group that got this garden off the ground, I'm proud of all we've accomplished in the last two years. This is our second season, and we're already off to an amazing start. Just yesterday, we donated 50 pounds of fresh, organic vegetables to a local foodbank.


This is my first plot. It's our second year together. Digging up potatoes. Fresh potatoes are amazing.

Here's some of my haul. This next is my second plot. It's our first year together.

One of the few vegetables I'm not a fan of: eggplant. I'm growing them for the foodbank. Aren't they pretty?

A zucchini is hiding in here. But I found it! Ooh, pretty. Nothing like digging in the dirt to ruin your hands. I had been wearing gloves, but it was easier to find the potatoes without them.

Heading home. 99 degrees and it's 7pm. Here's the haul of 7 pounds of potatoes! A bunch of these guys will head back to the garden on Saturday morning for harvest and delivery to the foodbank.

Anyone need some herbs? My sage and oregano are taking over the courtyard bed, and my rosemary is taking over the front bed. And yes, that rosemary does span the entire field of this picture. The inner part had to be cut out a year ago after the first bad freeze killed that section of the plant. This rosemary was a birthday present from my sister 5 years ago. It came in a 1 gallon sized container. I'd say rosemary does quite well in North Texas, wouldn't you!?

Now it's time to relax on the patio with a shandy, my kindle and get the grill fired up for dinner. Here's Puppygirl and The Boy in picture 1 and Featherbutt (in the cage), ShortStuff (behind the chair) and Puppygirl in picture 2.

Can I Get A Few Do-Overs, please?

Warning: Grumpy too early in the morning rant coming up....

I just want to go back to sleep and start this day over again. Because I needed to beat the Texas heat (we're in for another 100 degree day) I was up at 5:30 to get dressed to go running. Not fun, in the first place. I'm dressed, water bottle filled, I go get my iPod and my Garmin. I strap on my Garmin and hit the power button. Then I hit play on the iPod. Hmm. The iPod isn't working. I thought I had put it on charge for long enough, but I guess not. Okay, I'll go without tunes - it won't be the first time. So I grab my water bottle and head out the door. At the bottom of the driveway I hit Start Timer on the Garmin, and off I go. A block and a half away, I realize that the Garmin isn't showing distance or pace. Just peachy. I stand there for 10 minutes trying to get a satellite lock, and it just.won't.do.it. By this time, the sun is coming up, and there are few things I dislike more than running in the sun when it's this warm out. I'll go without one of the two, but no iPod and no Garmin? It's a total first world problem, I know, but if I'm not going to run with no tunes and no tracking, I might as well be on the treadmill at the gym, where it's air conditioned. Two strikes against me. Sorry. Do Over #1.

I should note at this point that my trainer, Barbie's Evil Twin, would ask me if I wanted a straw so I could suck it up.

Back home I go. I let The Boy out of his crate, and all three dogs are circling me like furry land sharks. The Boy stands on his hind legs and puts his paws up to greet me. Very sweet. But then Puppygirl decides to give me an "up" too, resulting in me getting raked on my arm by her toenails. Ouch. Do Over #2.

I let the dogs out in the yard to do their business. I sit down on one of the patio chairs to hang out while they're busy. ShortStuff comes over and hops up on my lap to snuggle and give kisses. (I have to say, having a stronger core is good when a 35 pound dog hops up on your lap). We have a nice snuggle, but she starts squirming, so I lift her down. All her wriggling causes me to smack the top of my hand into the corner of the next patio chair. The heavy, metal patio chair. I really hope there were no neighbors in their backyards, 'cause a choice word came out of my mouth then. Loudly. Do Over #3.

Since I'm not going for a run, I have to at least take the doggies for their morning walk. Usually I take all 3 together. Let me tell you, that's an exercise in patience, core and arm strength. Puppygirl and The Boy are each around 68 pounds, and ShortStuff is 35 - I'm halfway to a sled team. This morning I decided to take Puppygirl first and then the other two. We've walked about a block when she needs to do her business. Afterwards, I'm bending down to pick up after her, when she starts in with the "kicking the grass behind her" thing. Just my luck to get a big clump of wet grass in the face. I am glad it was just grass, though. Do Over #4.

All this fun by 6:30 in the morning. I wanna go back to bed. Harumph.

IRL

I love meeting my favorite twitter friends in real life. Last week I had the opportunity to have dinner with Joey, @PassionMD, and his lovely girlfriend Carol Ann. He's just as wonderful in real life as he is on twitter.